On Father’s Day
from the perspective of a grieving child
Yasemin Isler
June 17, 2016
How to embody being, with equanimity, on a day when many eagerly celebrate? This pondering nudge reminds me of the way of impermanence, of expectations versus letting go, of hopes versus surrendering to what is.
My son is joyful today, as his natural state of being. He is focused on flying his paper airplanes. He is waiting to go row a boat with me and “bust some moves” on the Charles. I recall that my husband was the skilled rower. Now I am the only parent, being reminded by my seven year old, and that I “need to take him on the boat ride”.
My dad has crossed over a long time ago. I am not even able to relate to this day’s meaning as a daughter or remember him fully. I can only acknowledge with gratitude that he made it possible for me to come to exist in this life, as much as my mom did. I am entrenched in the experience of a wife and of a mother of a son who witnessed the passing of their family patriarch too soon. On this second commercialized June day to celebrate all dads, in our home without him we are to decide how to live this day. To follow traditions, to make new traditions, to escape from the significance of Father’s Day or to acknowledge what is and remember to offer gratitude, and to consider how we can be present to each day of our lives, however the days are laid out for us.
Meaning and purpose of life evolves,
as we experience what unfolds in ours.
For each precious moment we behold,
may we be able to savor their gift in our hearts.
The humility, in the face of life’s vast power over us and all that is beyond our control, is often staring us in the face even when we deny it. Some moments are more powerful than others, placing us in the gentle hands of not knowing, to surrender and respect. Other times, we are left to contemplate.
As for my Father’s Day poem from my son’s perspective, below, I felt the desire to acknowledge where he is with this life experience, as a young grieving child. The desire to honor it arose in me. I may be bold to think that I feel or think what my son feels and thinks some days. When I asked him about these thoughts, he said “Yeah, I think that sometimes.“
To my husband, I am grateful for co-creating a precious son. He reminds me of you, while I do my best not to tell him how often, so that he can have the joy of growing up to be himself.
On Fathers Day
From a Young Son to His Dad
Pure love could make me fly
Into your arms my dad
Feel your arms hold me tight
For an instant I feel so mad
Your life stolen from my dreams
Where normal included two parents
Where weekends meant ice creams
Bike rides, boat rides, lessons in science
I see your eyes smile at me
But that’s just a photo you see
I sense you shout your love to me
Over the threshold of life we carry
I whisper my love to you, quietly
Longing to feel your presence, fatherly,
My paper planes take hold of me
In my visions of you, I keep thee.
Through Esplanade bike rides
Remote controlled boats on the Charles
Walks on sunny beaches
Home made toy car races
You helped me hold a power drill
Made paper planes my newfound skill
I witnessed your creativity shine
With windmills one day to be mine
Huge planes that take us to France
Train rides that go super fast
Laughter and meals with friends
Impromptu fun doing odds and ends
Family get togethers so big
Where you were treated like king
Plans halted to travel by the sea
Or live somewhere called Montpellier
Train ride to visit you in another part
Of country, questions filling my mind
I gave you a get well balloon shaped like a heart
Confusion sadness hope intertwined
Waiting to receive you home healthy
Waking up one night to see you lastly
Then left with what happened to me
To you, to our family.
My mom and I will be fine
Souvenirs of life once upon a time
We will soar on our side of life
While you soar, an angel in flight.
I have your dimpled smile
I too have a suave style
You shared with me your brilliance
A joy of life and vivaciousness
My mom keeps quiet
as she watches me
She tiptoes around
how much I resemble thee
My father you’ll always be
And I am your son forever truly.
Yasemin
June 17, 2016