Embrace the Art of Inner Peace

Yasemin Isler | @griefcircles

The pursuit of inner peace and stillness can often feel elusive. The mind races, thoughts swirl, and finding moments of tranquility seems nearly impossible. But what if I told you that cultivating a sense of peaceful stillness is not only achievable but can be deeply transformative? And what if I also told you that the path is slightly different than what you would expect?

First, the crash course:

Do you know what that racing

or unsettled

or guilty,

or “I don’t deserve this” mind is like?

Don’t fight it either way,
whether you notice you are melting into a relaxed state of mind and, just like an alarm clock, try to disrupt it because you think you don’t deserve it,
or
you just can’t settle down and try two hard to stay in the moment and relax.

The more you fight what is here, the harder it becomes.

Let go of trying, and Just Be. How?

Give yourself the permission and the grace to feel what you feel. It is all ok. One thing that you can be guaranteed is that this moment, this feeling, will pass eventually. It may come back again. But, you will experience moments of peace and tranquility. And you will experience moments of unsettledness.

Rather than resisting whatever is here, embrace it for just a few minutes. Just as it is, without trying to change it.

Now, with all that said, let's get to work. Try a few things with me and let me know how you do:

The Challenge of a Busy Mind

We’ve all been there: lying in bed, wide awake, as our minds run through endless to-do lists or replay past conversations. The more we try to quiet our thoughts, the louder they seem to become. It’s as if our brains are hardwired to resist stillness.

Finding Your Sanctuary

Imagine a serene waterfall in the heart of a lush jungle. The constant flow of water, the gentle sound of the stream, and the vibrant greenery all contribute to a sense of calm and balance. This natural sanctuary serves as a powerful metaphor for the inner peace we seek. Just like the waterfall, achieving stillness involves a steady, continuous effort.

Practical Steps to Inner Peace

1. Mindful Breathing: Start with simple breathing exercises. Focus on your breath, noticing each inhale and exhale. This practice can help anchor your thoughts and bring you into the present moment.

   If the breath is challenging, don’t force it. Instead, focus on the sensations of your hands or feet. If that doesn’t work, focus on hearing the sounds around you. One thing that often helps me is listening to birds.

2. Nature Connection: Spend time in nature. Whether it’s a walk in the park or sitting by a body of water, nature has an innate ability to calm and center our minds.

   Observe the trees. They are all around us. In spring and summer, they glow with life and such a sight to observe. They also can have a calming affect on our bodies. Just rest your attention on a tree, if there is one in your surrounding. No expectations. Simply observing and being in the moment.

3. Gratitude Journaling: Keep a journal where you jot down things you’re grateful for. This shifts your focus from worries to positive reflections.

   Remember to include yourself in this journal. What are you grateful about YOURSELF?

4. Digital Detox: Unplug from your devices for a set period each day. Reducing screen time can decrease mental clutter and enhance your sense of peace.

   Often, the effects may not be immediate, so keep practicing digital detox on an on/off regular basis, for the sake of your mind and wellbeing.

5. Meditative Practices: Engage in meditation or yoga. These practices cultivate a deeper sense of awareness and relaxation.

   Keep reading to learn more at the end about meditations.

Embrace the Journey

Finding inner peace is a journey, not a destination. It’s about making small, consistent efforts to cultivate stillness in the midst of life’s chaos. While it may seem challenging at first, with patience and practice, you’ll discover that moments of true tranquility are within your reach.

So, take a deep breath, find your waterfall, and let the journey to inner peace begin. 🌿

Yasemin ❤️

Here are a couple of things to get you started:

1. Start Your Journey towards being with what is and room for tranquility:

When you do, you will receive a 20% discount on a 1-on-1 session:

2. Set up a 1-on-1 with me this summer to see how we can approach the challenges with a mindful and understanding attitude:

Why Do They Leave While You're Grieving?

I am sorry if you are feeling left out, ignored, distanced or avoided by your friends. family, or partners, while you are grieving.

To tell you the truth, I experienced this phenomenon personally each time, when my mom, dad and husband died. I heard similarly from hundreds of grieving people. It is a deeply rooted phenomenon. I have experienced friendships being strengthened with people I did not expect to be closer with after my grief.

Remain open and receive the quiet ones who remain there to be with you in grief. Let go of the ones who are not yet prepared to manage this in their own terms. It is not about you. It is about them.

Why friends leave when you’re grieving

When someone is navigating the challenging waters of grief, it can sometimes seem like friends become distant or even leave during this critical period, a phenomenon that can add layers of confusion and isolation to an already painful experience. This distancing can be attributed to a variety of reasons, each deeply human and often rooted in discomfort and uncertainty.

One of the primary reasons friends may step back is due to their own discomfort with grief and not knowing what to say or do. For many, death and loss are taboo topics, rarely discussed openly. This lack of experience and understanding can leave friends feeling helpless or afraid of saying the wrong thing, leading them to unintentionally create distance in an attempt to avoid causing more pain. They may believe that giving space is respectful or helpful, not realizing that their presence, rather than their words, is often what's most needed.

Additionally, witnessing a friend in profound pain can be a confronting reminder of one's own vulnerability to loss, prompting some individuals to retreat into self-preservation. This reaction is not a reflection of their feelings for the person grieving but rather an unconscious defense mechanism against their own fears. Despite these challenges, it's important to remember that genuine connections can withstand the tests of grief. Open communication about needs and feelings can sometimes bridge the gap, helping friends understand how to support each other through the darkest times. In moments of grief, the truest forms of friendship can either be forged stronger or recognized for their fragility.

Why partners leave when you’re grieving

Grieving is an intensely personal and profound experience that can deeply affect one's life, behaviors, and relationships. When a person is navigating through the maze of grief, the emotional turmoil they experience can place a significant strain on their relationships, including those with their partners. Unfortunately, this strain can sometimes lead to a partner leaving during what is arguably one of the most challenging times in a person's life. Understanding why this happens requires a compassionate look at both the grieving individual and their partner.

Grief can dramatically change a person's emotional landscape and daily functioning. Those in mourning may withdraw, understandably move through mood changes, or be interpreted by the other person as a change in personality as they deal with their loss. This transformation can be bewildering and overwhelming for some partners, for reasons that may not even be related to the grieving person. The partner may feel alienated, helpless, or neglected, and unprepared to support themselves or the grieving partner, in a way that the grieving person hopes for. The grieving process does not have a set timeline or a one-size-fits-all approach, making it difficult for some partners to know how to support their loved one. This uncertainty and the emotional distance that can develop may lead some partners to feel disconnected, questioning their place in the relationship and, in some cases, choosing to leave.

Moreover, it's important to recognize that each person's capacity for empathy and support varies. Some individuals might not have the emotional resilience or understanding to stand by their partner through the grieving process. In other scenarios, the relationship may have already been strained prior to the grief, and the added stress serves to further expose or exacerbate existing issues. Additionally, in facing their partner's vulnerability and mortality so vividly, some may confront their own fears and insecurities, leading them to withdraw.

While it's a deeply unfortunate outcome, it's essential for those grieving to seek support from those who can provide it, whether that be friends, family, support groups, or professional counseling or guidance. Healing from grief is a profoundly personal journey. It is crucial to surround oneself with understanding and patience, both from within and from those around.

When family members distance your grief

When a loved one is navigating through the waves of grief, the reactions and behaviors of those around them, particularly family members, can often seem perplexing or even hurtful. This distancing, whether emotional or physical, that some family members exhibit towards a grieving individual, can stem from a variety of reasons, each deeply human and complex in its own right.

Firstly, discomfort with grief is a common factor. Many people find themselves at a loss for words or actions when faced with the raw, unfiltered emotions of grief. This discomfort arises from a lack of experience or understanding of how to support someone in mourning. In Western cultures especially, where death and grief are often sanitized and hidden away, this discomfort is exacerbated. Family members may distance themselves simply because they do not know how to be present in a way that is helpful.

Moreover, witnessing a loved one in pain can trigger personal fears and vulnerabilities about loss and mortality. For some family members, engaging closely with someone who is grieving forces them to confront their own feelings about death, which they may not be prepared to do. As a defense mechanism, they create emotional distance to protect themselves from these difficult emotions. Additionally, each person's grief journey is unique, and what one person finds comforting, another might find overwhelming or distressing. This diversity in coping mechanisms can lead to misunderstandings and miscommunication within families, further contributing to the sense of distance.

Importantly, this distancing behavior is not usually a reflection of a lack of love or care.

Rather, it's indicative of the complex nature of human emotions and relationships.

Effective communication can often bridge this gap, as can seeking support from grief counselors, guides, or support groups, who can offer strategies to navigate these challenging dynamics. Understanding and patience from all sides can help in slowly rebuilding connections and ensuring that the grieving individual feels supported and understood, even in the midst of their pain.

Yasemin Isler ©2024 www.griefcircles.com

Expressive Arts and Rituals in Healing Grief

When my husband died 7+ years ago, after a 6-week rare illness, our son was only 5 years old. We became friends with a few families who also experienced loss. One family created a tradition on Father’s Day to release balloons from a park at the highest spot on a nearby city overlooking Boston. That June, with my 6-year old son, we joined them. This year, when my son turned 13, my artist sister presented this painting to him, inspired by a photo I had captured of that day. It was heartfelt, emotional, and healing, for all of us. 

Artist: Yildiz Grodowski

Being Strong - Courage and Grief

Being Strong - Courage and Grief

Yasemin Isler

SEPTEMBER 8, 2021

In some cultures, when someone dies, even days later, the words of consolation include “Be strong’. It seems that no one has sat down to process the visceral responses this directive of courage towards grief could bring up on the receiving end. A grieving person doesn’t really need to be told how to be, on top of the burden they already carry. They are already busy swaying between shock and mustering up courage from reserves they weren’t aware existed. There is no need for reminders of the obvious.

How intertwined the extremes of courage dance within us, to the tune that grief plays. There is such strength in being with deep sorrow and facing it. This act uses tremendous energy. One needs to preserve the energy of that courage, in order to not waste it. So, your grieving friend may avoid getting together with you or appear in large crowds, until they have enough energy to spare.

When my husband died, many loved ones out of the kindness of their hearts and cultural conditioning would tell me to “be strong.” I didn’t have the energy to respond to them in the moment, about how it felt being told to “be strong”. Instead, I focused on tending my heart, with kindness. I keep reminding those who grieve that they are already courageous just getting out of the bed in the morning. They don’t need to be reminded to “be strong.” Be kind when you see a grieving heart. Be kind, gentle and patient with your grieving heart.

#spaciousgrief #griefjourney #griefsupport #bereavementsupport

@griefcircles @mindfulgrief