Grieving a Parent

Still Someone’s Child: Grieving the Loss of a Parent at Any Age

Losing a parent is one of the most profound experiences we can face—and it doesn’t matter how old you are when it happens. Whether you were a child, a young adult, or well into midlife, the loss of a mother or father can feel like the ground shifting beneath you. It changes something in your emotional DNA. Even if the relationship was complicated. Even if you thought you were ready. Even if it happened years ago.

And yet, in our culture, there’s often an unspoken assumption that grief has an expiration date—or that it should look a certain way depending on your age. But grief doesn’t work like that. It’s not neat. It doesn’t follow rules. And it never stops being real.

If you’re grieving a parent—whether recently or from decades past—this post is for you.

Grief Evolves With Us

The way we grieve a parent is deeply shaped by how old we were when they died, and who they were to us at that point in our lives. Our grief grows and changes as we grow and change.

As a child

The loss of a parent in childhood is a foundational wound. It often leaves a lasting imprint that shapes identity, attachment, and emotional development. Children may not have the language or tools to process the loss fully, and the grief can resurface in new ways at different life stages.

As a teenager

Adolescents are already navigating identity and independence—so the death of a parent can add layers of confusion, anger, and emotional volatility. It can feel unfair, overwhelming, and deeply isolating.

In your 20s

For many, the twenties are a time of figuring out who you are, where you belong, and building your life. Losing a parent in this chapter can feel like losing your anchor too soon, before you've had a chance to fully grow roots.

In your 30s

In your thirties, you may be building a career, starting a family, or returning to your parents for emotional support in a new adult-to-adult dynamic. Their death can feel like an interruption in a maturing relationship—one that was just starting to deepen in a different way.

In your 40s and beyond

Even in midlife, losing a parent can feel seismic. It often brings an acute awareness of your own aging, your own mortality. And if both parents have passed, it can feel like the “top layer” of your family is gone—you’ve become the next generation in line.

Grieving as an Adult Child

There’s a quiet heartbreak in grieving your parent as an adult. You’re expected to manage it. To be composed. To return to work. To carry on.

But inside, you might feel unmoored. Raw. You might be facing regrets—things unsaid, visits missed, forgiveness never reached. Or maybe the loss was sudden, and you’re still catching your breath. Maybe you watched them decline slowly and now carry the weight of witnessing.

You might still pick up the phone to call them.
You might cry unexpectedly in the grocery store.
You might be okay for weeks—until you’re not.

All of that is normal. All of that is grief.

When the Loss Isn’t Recent

Sometimes, grief comes back like a wave, even years or decades after a parent has died. Anniversaries, major life events, smells, songs, or seeing a friend with their mom or dad—it can all stir something in the heart.

If your parent died a long time ago, you may wonder why the grief still lives in you. But that grief is part of your love. It's a sign of what they meant to you, or perhaps what you longed for from them and never quite got. Grief doesn’t have a deadline. You’re allowed to still miss them.

What If the Relationship Was Complicated?

Not every parent-child relationship is easy or loving. Sometimes the grief is layered with pain, relief, guilt, or unresolved wounds. You might mourn the parent they were—or the one they never were. This grief is no less valid. In fact, it's often heavier, because you're grieving both a person and a lost possibility.

Give yourself permission to feel all of it, without judgment.

Grieving the Second Parent

When your second parent dies—whether they were your last surviving parent or the one who raised you—it can feel like becoming an emotional orphan, even as an adult. There's often a deep shift in identity. A quiet loneliness. A sense that a chapter has closed for good.

The world may look the same, but something fundamental has changed. It’s okay to name that.

How Mindfulness Can Support You in Grief

Mindfulness won’t make the grief go away, but it can soften your experience. It invites you to be with what’s real, to tend to your emotions like you would a garden—gently, patiently, without force.

Here are a few ways to use mindfulness in your grieving process:

1. Be with what is

Notice the feelings when they arise. Sadness, anger, gratitude, emptiness—each has its own story. Let them move through you instead of around you.

2. Use your breath as an anchor

When your thoughts spiral or your heart feels heavy, come back to your breath. Breathe in and say to yourself, “This is hard.” Breathe out and say, “And I’m still here.”

3. Create moments of connection

Light a candle. Look at a photo. Say their name out loud. Write them a letter. Your relationship doesn’t end—it simply changes form.

4. Let yourself be human

You may not cry every day. Or you may cry at the smallest things. You may want solitude or crave closeness. Grief doesn’t follow a script. Be kind to yourself.

You Don’t Have to Grieve Alone

Whether your parent died last month or twenty years ago, grief can still live in your bones. And no matter how “together” you look on the outside, you still deserve care and support.

This post is just scratching the surface of what it means to grieve a parent. The journey is personal, layered, and deeply human—and you don’t have to walk it alone.

🌱 If you’re seeking 1-on-1 support to help you process your grief, I offer compassionate, personalized sessions. You can visit [here] to book time with me.

🌕 Looking for a supportive community space? Join the next Grief Circle—a parent-loss support group where you can share, witness, and feel less alone. Learn more or register [here].

🎥 Prefer to move at your own pace? My self-guided, transformational course “Navigating Grief” was created to support you with tools, reflection, and presence—on your timeline, in your own space. Explore it [here].

You may be an adult now—but part of you will always be someone’s child. And that part of you deserves tenderness, remembrance, and room to heal.

With warmth and care,
Yasemin Isler

Grief Doesn’t Follow Stages: A Mindful, Compassionate Path After the Loss of a Spouse or Partner

Grief Doesn’t Follow Stages: A Mindful, Compassionate Path After the Loss of a Spouse or Partner

Whether you’ve lost a partner after a few years together or a lifetime, the grief that follows is immense. It’s not just the absence of the person—it’s the absence of shared routines, private jokes, quiet moments, future plans. It’s the loss of your witness, your rhythm, your anchor.

For those who’ve walked this road, and for those who are just beginning, let me say something clearly: there are no neat “stages” of grief. That’s one of the most pervasive myths I’ve had to gently unteach again and again. Grief isn’t a checklist. It doesn’t unfold in a tidy, linear progression. It’s not about reaching a final step where you “move on.”

Instead, grief moves like water—shifting, spiraling, ebbing and surging. It’s as individual as your relationship was. And it doesn’t expire at the one-year mark.

There Are No Stages—There Is Only What Is

The idea of five stages—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance—was originally developed to describe the experience of people facing their own terminal illness, not those grieving a loss. But over time, it became a kind of cultural template for how we expect grief to unfold.

In my years supporting those grieving a spouse or partner, and through my own experience of loss, I’ve seen how unhelpful and even harmful that framework can be. People often come to me saying, “I’m stuck in the anger stage,” or “I should be at acceptance by now.”

There is no “should” in grief. Grief is not a problem to be solved. It’s a process to be lived—with care, with compassion, and with presence.

How Grief Changes Over Time

The first year can be disorienting. You may feel like you’re living in a fog, simply putting one foot in front of the other. Your nervous system is in survival mode. The world around you keeps going, but yours has paused in some invisible way.

Then comes the second year—and for many, this is where the deeper emotional terrain begins to surface. The support that was there early on may have faded. The finality starts to settle in. You may not feel “better,” even though the world often expects you to.

None of this means you’re doing it wrong. Grief isn’t just about what’s lost—it’s about learning to live in a changed landscape. And that landscape keeps shifting.

Over the years, grief can become less sharp, but more textured. You learn how to carry it. You build new muscle. You begin to hold both love and loss in the same breath.

Bringing Compassion and Presence to Daily Life

What I’ve seen again and again is that we don’t need to “fix” our grief. We need to meet it. To learn how to stay with it in a way that’s kind and grounded. These are some of the approaches that I’ve seen bring the most gentle steadiness to those walking through loss:

1. Presence, Not Perfection

Grief isn’t something you get better at—it’s something you live alongside. Some days you may feel functional, even joyful. Other days, brushing your teeth feels like an accomplishment. Both are real. Both are valid. Ask yourself each day: What’s here right now? How can I be with it, kindly?

2. Make Room for the Full Range of Emotions

There’s no wrong emotion in grief. Sadness, anger, guilt, relief, even moments of laughter—they’re all part of the experience. Try not to judge what arises. Simply naming what you feel—“I feel overwhelmed,” or “I miss them so much it aches”—can bring some gentle grounding.

3. Create Simple Daily Anchors

When your world feels unstable, small, intentional routines can help. Light a candle. Sit quietly with your tea. Step outside and feel the air on your skin. These aren’t solutions. They’re steadiness. They remind you that even in grief, life still moves, breath still comes.

4. Let Your Grief Be Seen

There’s a healing that happens in being witnessed. Not advised, not pitied—just truly seen. Find spaces, whether with a trusted person or a grief guide, where your story can live without needing to be edited. Grief is heavy; it’s lighter when carried together.

5. Choose How You Remember

Grief isn’t just about letting go. It’s also about holding on—with intention. Speak their name. Keep something of theirs nearby. Cook their favorite dish on their birthday. These acts of remembrance are not morbid—they’re meaningful. They keep love present.

6. Welcome Joy Without Guilt

When joy returns—because it will—don’t push it away. Joy doesn’t erase grief. It grows beside it. Smiling, laughing, feeling hopeful again isn’t a betrayal. It’s a sign of your capacity to keep living with an open heart.

You Don’t Have to Walk This Path Alone

Whether you’re in the rawness of early grief or navigating its quieter, long-term presence years later, your experience matters. It’s worth honoring. It deserves space and care.

If you're ready for personalized support, I offer 1-on-1 private sessions designed to meet you exactly where you are—no fixing, no agenda, just space to breathe, feel, and gently move through what’s arising.

You can schedule private a session (over Zoom) here →.

And if you’d prefer to walk this path on your own time and in your own way, my self-paced master class on navigating grief offers guided teachings, mindfulness practices, and reflections to support your heart over time.

You can learn more about Navigating Grief Self-Paced Course and enroll here →.

Grief changes you. It doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’ve loved deeply. And with time, care, and presence, you can learn to live forward—with your grief beside you, not against you.

You are not alone.

With steadiness and compassion,
Yasemin Isler

How do you Grieve Mindfully?

How Do You Grieve Mindfully?

by Yasemin Isler

Grief is not something we fix.

It’s not linear. It’s not tidy. It’s not a problem to be solved.

Grief is a natural, often overwhelming response to loss—a reflection of the love, meaning, or identity that’s been altered. And for many of us, the world rushes us past it. Tells us to be strong. To carry on. To move forward.

But what if we didn’t rush it?

What if we made space for it—honestly, tenderly, and with care?

This is the heart of mindful grieving.

Mindful Grieving Begins with Being With What Is

Mindfulness asks us to meet this moment—not the one we wish we were in, not the one we were in before everything changed, but this one.

Exactly as it is.

This means acknowledging pain without pushing it away.

Naming what’s present in your body—tightness, exhaustion, tears.

Noticing your emotions as they rise and fall, sometimes without warning.

And yes, noticing your thoughts too:

• “I can’t believe they’re gone.”

• “Will I ever feel okay again?”

• “Maybe I should be doing better by now.”

Mindfulness helps us observe these thoughts without being consumed by them.

We don’t silence the inner voice—we listen to it, gently, without judgment.

We remember: Thoughts are not facts. Emotions are not permanent.

Everything is changing, including our grief.

Awareness + Compassion = Capacity

Grieving mindfully doesn’t mean you’re calm all the time.

It doesn’t mean you meditate grief away.

It means that you start to develop the capacity to sit with what’s hard—to be with sorrow, confusion, rage, or numbness—and to treat it all with compassion.

You may find yourself grieving in layers—sometimes deeply present, sometimes distracted, sometimes grateful, sometimes undone.

And that’s okay.

Nothing in grief stays the same.

Feelings shift. Memories revisit. New insights arrive.

This is the impermanent nature of all things—including our hardest seasons.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

Mindful grieving is not about isolating yourself with your sadness.

It’s about allowing yourself to be supported—in body, mind, and heart.

This is why I offer grief support grounded in what I call the MCCG™ framework:

Mindfulness, Compassion, and Community for Grief™.

My work includes:

• Self-paced courses that meet you wherever you are in your grief

• The Mindful Grief Toolkit, filled with reflective, practical tools

• 1-on-1 sessions for personalized grief support (30 minutes, $125)

• and community spaces where you can share, reflect, and be held in understanding.

Whether you’re in early grief, navigating an anniversary, or facing the complex terrain of long-term loss, there is space for you here.

About Me

I bring over 40 years of personal and professional mindfulness practice to this work.

As a professor of mindfulness, a certified mindfulness and compassion teacher, and a thanatologist (specializing in death, loss, and bereavement), I have spent decades guiding people in moments of deep transition.

I developed the MCCG™ framework as a way to hold grief not just with knowledge—but with presence, depth, and heart.

If you’ve ever wondered:

“How do I keep living while honoring who or what I’ve lost?”

—I’m here to walk beside you.

You’re not broken. You’re grieving.

And you’re not alone.

Grieving the Loss of Chosen or Complicated Family Members

Grieving the Loss of Chosen or Complicated Family: When Goodbye Isn't Straightforward

When we talk about family, we often picture the people we’re biologically connected to—parents, siblings, children. But life is rarely that simple. Some of the most important, impactful, or emotionally charged relationships we have are with people who fall outside the traditional idea of “close family.” These might be stepparents, stepchildren, in-laws, mentors, estranged siblings, or people we once called family but hadn’t spoken to in years.

And yet, when one of these people dies, the grief can still cut deep—or stir up a confusing mix of emotions. There’s often no clear script for how to mourn someone you loved in a complicated way, or someone who wasn’t technically “yours” but felt like family anyway.

If you’re facing this kind of loss, this post is for you.

Beyond Blood: The Many Shapes of Family

Family isn’t always about DNA. It’s about history, emotional ties, shared experiences, and the roles we’ve come to play in each other’s lives. Sometimes, the bonds we form by choice—or by circumstance—run deeper than those forged by genetics.

Consider these examples:

• A stepparent who raised you and taught you life’s hardest lessons

• A stepchild you helped raise, supported, and loved—whether or not the relationship was always smooth

• A cousin you barely saw but who always made you feel understood

• A former in-law who remained in your life long after a marriage ended

• A mentor or neighbor who was like a second parent

• A sibling you grew up with but hadn’t spoken to in years

And of course, there are many others who may not be listed here—people whose presence shaped your world, whose voice still echoes in your mind, and whose absence now feels quietly profound. Whether they were family by blood, bond, or brief but meaningful connection, your grief for them is real and valid.

The Complexity of Connection—and Loss

Grieving someone who wasn’t “immediate family” can feel oddly invisible. You might hesitate to express your sorrow out loud, especially if you worry others won’t understand why it hurts so much—or why it hurts at all.

You might also be navigating complicated emotional territory:

• Regret over unresolved tensions or lost time

• Guilt for not being closer or more present

• Confusion about how to talk about the relationship

• Relief, especially if the connection was strained or painful

• A deep, quiet sadness that lingers because the loss isn’t being openly acknowledged

This kind of grief doesn’t always come with casseroles and condolences. People may assume you’re okay—or that you “weren’t that close.” But grief doesn’t need a formal role or title to be valid. It simply needs to be felt.

You Have Permission to Grieve

Here’s something that’s important to hear:
Your grief is real. Your relationship was real. And you don’t need anyone else’s approval to feel what you feel.

Grief can be messy, contradictory, and nonlinear. It doesn’t care about legal status, family trees, or the last time you spoke. It only knows that something has shifted—and that part of you is trying to make sense of that change.

Whether your connection was loving, fraught, or both, you’re allowed to grieve in your own way and time.

Honoring the Loss, Your Way

There may not be a clear place for you at the funeral. Maybe no one else is talking about it, or maybe you’re the only one who really feels it. That’s okay. You can still honor the loss. Here are a few ideas:

1. Write a letter

Say the things you didn’t get to say. Share the impact they had on your life—good, bad, or both. Writing can be a powerful release.

2. Create a personal ritual

Light a candle. Visit a meaningful place. Look through old photos. You don’t need permission to mark the moment in your own way.

3. Talk to someone who gets it

Whether it’s a trusted friend, a therapist, or a support group, sharing your grief with someone who listens without judgment can be healing.

4. Name your emotions

It’s okay to feel sad, angry, grateful, numb, or all of the above. Naming what you feel gives it shape and helps you process it with more self-compassion.

When Relationships Were Difficult or Unresolved

Grieving someone you had a complicated or painful relationship with brings another layer of complexity. You might be mourning the relationship you wished you had, not the one you actually did. Or you may feel a strange sense of closure mixed with sorrow.

This too is valid.

Grief isn’t just about mourning who someone was—it’s also about grieving what could have been. And sometimes, letting go of that hope is the hardest part.

You Don’t Have to Navigate It Alone

The path through grief is never one-size-fits-all—especially when the relationship was outside the usual boxes. Depending on your circumstances, you may need support, structure, or simply space to be heard.

🌱 If you’re ready to explore this with guidance, I offer one-on-one sessions to help you process and find meaning in the messiness.
📆 Book a time with me [here] to begin.
🎥 Prefer to move at your own pace? My self-paced video-based training dives deeper into grief, mindfulness, and emotional healing:

You can explore the introductory Gentle Grief Bundle [here].

Or if you wish to go deeper into navigating your grief experience and transform it, you can find my master class Navigating Grief and Loss [here].

Whether you're grieving loudly or quietly, in public or in private, know this: your feelings matter. Your story matters. And your grief is worthy of care.

With compassion,
Yasemin Isler

Shifting the Narrative on Love and Self-Care as You Process Grief

Grief often reshapes how we see the world. It changes how we feel about the past, how we experience the present, and how we begin to imagine the future. Amidst the swirl of emotions, it’s easy for self-care to feel like another “thing to do”—something to check off or something that feels too big to engage with. Similarly, we may question love itself during this time, feeling disconnected from its usual warmth and comfort.

But what if we reframed the way we view love and self-care, particularly in the context of grief? What if, rather than seeing them as tasks or expectations, we allowed love and self-care to become tools that gently guide us through the process of healing?

Love—Not As a Destination, But a Presence

Love is often seen as something we give or receive in joyful moments, but grief invites us to redefine what love means in our lives. Love doesn’t disappear with loss. Instead, love can be found in the spaces we make for ourselves as we walk through grief.

Loving ourselves during grief doesn’t mean pushing through, ignoring our feelings, or rushing to find “closure.” Instead, it means honoring the love we have for ourselves and for those we’ve lost by being present with our emotions. It’s in the moments where we give ourselves permission to grieve without judgment, to cry without guilt, and to pause without pressure. Love during grief looks like acceptance.

Rather than searching for the “right” way to grieve, love can become the steady undercurrent that holds us while we find our way. It is love when we allow ourselves to feel deeply without rushing through. It is love when we forgive ourselves for not always having the energy, the answers, or the strength to push forward.

Self-Care—A Gentle, Ongoing Practice

Grief can be exhausting, both mentally and physically. The world around us moves forward, but we may feel stuck in the heaviness of loss. Traditional ideas of self-care—like going for a run, eating healthy, or having a bubble bath—can feel distant or even out of reach in these moments. But self-care during grief doesn’t have to look like a list of things you should do. Instead, it can become a practice of simply being.

Self-care in grief can be the art of slowing down and allowing moments of stillness. It might mean taking time to sit with your emotions without forcing them to change. Self-care can be about finding small, nourishing moments in the chaos—whether that’s savoring a cup of tea, allowing yourself to rest, or sitting in quiet reflection. It is not about being productive or achieving a goal, but about being with yourself as you are.

When we shift our focus from self-care as a checklist to self-care as a mindset of kindness, we allow grief to exist as part of our healing journey. We give ourselves permission to tend to our hearts, to show up for ourselves with the same compassion we would offer to a loved one.

The New Narrative: Love and Self-Care as Fluid, Compassionate Practices

As you walk through grief, you may realize that love and self-care are not destinations, but practices that evolve with you. There may be days when love feels distant, or self-care feels out of reach—and that’s okay. It’s all part of the ebb and flow of grief.

The new narrative is this: you do not have to “move on” from grief. Instead, you can learn to carry it with love and tenderness. You can allow self-care to meet you where you are, without pressure or expectation.

In this journey, love isn’t just about joy or connection—it’s about presence. It’s about showing up for yourself in the quiet moments, even when everything feels overwhelming. Self-care isn’t about perfection—it’s about gentleness, patience, and allowing your healing to unfold in its own time.

A Compassionate Path Forward

As you process your grief, remember that love and self-care are there for you—not as goals to be achieved, but as practices to be cultivated. You are worthy of love. You are deserving of care. And most importantly, you deserve the time and space to honor your grief as it is, without rushing or forcing yourself to feel better.

This is why I offer my Mindful Grief Toolkit, designed to help you navigate grief with mindfulness and compassion, giving you gentle tools to support your healing. My self-paced video-based courses also offer practical, compassionate guidance through your grief journey, at your own pace. If you need a more personal connection, my 1-on-1 grief support sessions provide space for you to explore your grief with deep care and understanding.

Whatever you need, know that you don’t have to walk this path alone. You have everything you need within you, and you can begin with one small, kind step forward.

Take a moment to pause and listen, you deserve it.

With love and kindness,

Yasemin 

Anticipatory Grief

Anticipatory Grief and Mindfulness: Staying Present Before the Goodbye

Grief isn’t always something that begins after loss. Sometimes, it shows up quietly in advance—long before the farewell, the funeral, or the final goodbye. This form of grief, known as anticipatory grief, can be just as complex and emotionally intense as the grief we feel after loss. It’s the heart’s way of preparing, bracing, and breaking—one day at a time.

If you’re navigating this difficult space, know this: you are not alone. And while there’s no shortcut through grief, mindfulness can help light the way, guiding you gently back to the present, where connection and clarity can still be found.

What Is Anticipatory Grief?

Anticipatory grief is the emotional response to an expected loss. It often arises when a loved one has been diagnosed with a terminal illness, or when you know that a significant, painful change is on the horizon. It can show up months—even years—before the actual event.

This grief is nuanced. You may find yourself mourning someone who is still physically here, living in two worlds at once: the present, and the one you know is coming. The uncertainty, the waiting, and the slow unraveling of normalcy can be exhausting.

Some common emotional experiences with anticipatory grief include:

• Sadness for what’s slipping away

• Fear of the unknown

• Guilt for grieving “too early”

• Anger at the unfairness of it all

• Hope and despair, often in the same breath

Unlike sudden grief, anticipatory grief unfolds in layers. It invites you to begin the process of letting go while still trying to hold on.

Why Mindfulness Matters in the Midst of It

Mindfulness is the practice of being fully present in the moment, with openness and without judgment. When your mind is racing ahead, imagining worst-case scenarios, or caught in the loop of “what ifs,” mindfulness offers a way back—to your breath, your body, and this moment.

In the context of anticipatory grief, mindfulness can:

• Offer emotional steadiness. You don’t have to push your feelings away or label them as wrong. Mindfulness allows you to acknowledge grief without becoming consumed by it.

• Strengthen your connection with the person you’re grieving. It helps you fully experience the remaining moments, however imperfect, and savor what is still possible.

• Reduce anxiety. Mindful breathing and grounding techniques can soothe your nervous system and help you stay centered when fear or overwhelm sets in.

• Cultivate self-compassion. Mindfulness gently reminds us that it’s okay to feel what we feel. It’s okay to not be okay.

Practicing Mindfulness in Times of Anticipatory Grief

You don’t need to sit cross-legged in silence for hours to practice mindfulness. Even a few mindful moments can create space for healing. Here are a few simple ways to begin:

1. Conscious Breathing

Pause. Inhale deeply. Exhale slowly. Focus only on your breath for a minute or two. Each breath becomes a reminder that you are here, now.

2. Mindful Connection

When spending time with your loved one, try to be fully present. Put the phone away. Listen with your whole heart. Notice their voice, their hands, their presence. These moments matter.

3. Name What You Feel

Grief is a storm of emotions. Naming your feelings—without judgment—can bring clarity. Try saying, “This is sadness,” or “This is fear,” as emotions arise. It creates a little distance and invites in compassion.

4. Journaling With Awareness

Write freely about what you’re experiencing. Use prompts like:

• “Today I feel…”

• “What I want to remember is…”

• “Right now, I’m holding onto…”

This gives your emotions a safe place to land.

5. Body Scan or Grounding Practice

Take a few minutes to scan your body from head to toe, noticing where you’re holding tension. Breathe into those areas gently. You can also ground yourself by noticing five things you see, four you feel, three you hear, two you smell, and one you taste.

The Gift of Mindful Grieving

Anticipatory grief is painful, yes—but it’s also meaningful. It is, in many ways, a reflection of love. To grieve ahead of time is to deeply care. It’s the heart’s way of saying, “I don’t want to lose this.”

Through mindfulness, you don’t have to run from the pain or rush to “get through” it. You can walk gently, intentionally, and with presence. You can make space for both sorrow and connection. For fear and grace. For endings and beginnings.

A Personal Note to You

If you’re walking this path, know that it’s okay to need support. Anticipatory grief can be deeply personal, and depending on your situation, having someone walk alongside you can make all the difference.

💬 If you’d like personalized guidance on this journey, I invite you to book a time with me here.
🎥 Prefer to explore at your own pace? Check out my introductory video-based training on mindfulness and grief: Gentle Grief Bundle here.

Whether you choose to walk with someone or walk solo, you’re not alone—and you’re doing better than you think.

With care,
Yasemin Isler

Embrace the Art of Inner Peace

Yasemin Isler | @griefcircles

The pursuit of inner peace and stillness can often feel elusive. The mind races, thoughts swirl, and finding moments of tranquility seems nearly impossible. But what if I told you that cultivating a sense of peaceful stillness is not only achievable but can be deeply transformative? And what if I also told you that the path is slightly different than what you would expect?

First, the crash course:

Do you know what that racing

or unsettled

or guilty,

or “I don’t deserve this” mind is like?

Don’t fight it either way,
whether you notice you are melting into a relaxed state of mind and, just like an alarm clock, try to disrupt it because you think you don’t deserve it,
or
you just can’t settle down and try two hard to stay in the moment and relax.

The more you fight what is here, the harder it becomes.

Let go of trying, and Just Be. How?

Give yourself the permission and the grace to feel what you feel. It is all ok. One thing that you can be guaranteed is that this moment, this feeling, will pass eventually. It may come back again. But, you will experience moments of peace and tranquility. And you will experience moments of unsettledness.

Rather than resisting whatever is here, embrace it for just a few minutes. Just as it is, without trying to change it.

Now, with all that said, let's get to work. Try a few things with me and let me know how you do:

The Challenge of a Busy Mind

We’ve all been there: lying in bed, wide awake, as our minds run through endless to-do lists or replay past conversations. The more we try to quiet our thoughts, the louder they seem to become. It’s as if our brains are hardwired to resist stillness.

Finding Your Sanctuary

Imagine a serene waterfall in the heart of a lush jungle. The constant flow of water, the gentle sound of the stream, and the vibrant greenery all contribute to a sense of calm and balance. This natural sanctuary serves as a powerful metaphor for the inner peace we seek. Just like the waterfall, achieving stillness involves a steady, continuous effort.

Practical Steps to Inner Peace

1. Mindful Breathing: Start with simple breathing exercises. Focus on your breath, noticing each inhale and exhale. This practice can help anchor your thoughts and bring you into the present moment.

   If the breath is challenging, don’t force it. Instead, focus on the sensations of your hands or feet. If that doesn’t work, focus on hearing the sounds around you. One thing that often helps me is listening to birds.

2. Nature Connection: Spend time in nature. Whether it’s a walk in the park or sitting by a body of water, nature has an innate ability to calm and center our minds.

   Observe the trees. They are all around us. In spring and summer, they glow with life and such a sight to observe. They also can have a calming affect on our bodies. Just rest your attention on a tree, if there is one in your surrounding. No expectations. Simply observing and being in the moment.

3. Gratitude Journaling: Keep a journal where you jot down things you’re grateful for. This shifts your focus from worries to positive reflections.

   Remember to include yourself in this journal. What are you grateful about YOURSELF?

4. Digital Detox: Unplug from your devices for a set period each day. Reducing screen time can decrease mental clutter and enhance your sense of peace.

   Often, the effects may not be immediate, so keep practicing digital detox on an on/off regular basis, for the sake of your mind and wellbeing.

5. Meditative Practices: Engage in meditation or yoga. These practices cultivate a deeper sense of awareness and relaxation.

   Keep reading to learn more at the end about meditations.

Embrace the Journey

Finding inner peace is a journey, not a destination. It’s about making small, consistent efforts to cultivate stillness in the midst of life’s chaos. While it may seem challenging at first, with patience and practice, you’ll discover that moments of true tranquility are within your reach.

So, take a deep breath, find your waterfall, and let the journey to inner peace begin. 🌿

Yasemin ❤️

Here are a couple of things to get you started:

1. Start Your Journey towards being with what is and room for tranquility:

When you do, you will receive a 20% discount on a 1Hr 1-on-1 session:

2. Set up a 1-on-1 with me to see how we can approach the challenges with a mindful and understanding attitude:

Why Do They Leave While You're Grieving?

I am sorry if you are feeling left out, ignored, distanced or avoided by your friends. family, or partners, while you are grieving.

To tell you the truth, I experienced this phenomenon personally each time, when my mom, dad and husband died. I heard similarly from hundreds of grieving people. It is a deeply rooted phenomenon. I have experienced friendships being strengthened with people I did not expect to be closer with after my grief.

Remain open and receive the quiet ones who remain there to be with you in grief. Let go of the ones who are not yet prepared to manage this in their own terms. It is not about you. It is about them.

Why friends leave when you’re grieving

When someone is navigating the challenging waters of grief, it can sometimes seem like friends become distant or even leave during this critical period, a phenomenon that can add layers of confusion and isolation to an already painful experience. This distancing can be attributed to a variety of reasons, each deeply human and often rooted in discomfort and uncertainty.

One of the primary reasons friends may step back is due to their own discomfort with grief and not knowing what to say or do. For many, death and loss are taboo topics, rarely discussed openly. This lack of experience and understanding can leave friends feeling helpless or afraid of saying the wrong thing, leading them to unintentionally create distance in an attempt to avoid causing more pain. They may believe that giving space is respectful or helpful, not realizing that their presence, rather than their words, is often what's most needed.

Additionally, witnessing a friend in profound pain can be a confronting reminder of one's own vulnerability to loss, prompting some individuals to retreat into self-preservation. This reaction is not a reflection of their feelings for the person grieving but rather an unconscious defense mechanism against their own fears. Despite these challenges, it's important to remember that genuine connections can withstand the tests of grief. Open communication about needs and feelings can sometimes bridge the gap, helping friends understand how to support each other through the darkest times. In moments of grief, the truest forms of friendship can either be forged stronger or recognized for their fragility.

Why partners leave when you’re grieving

Grieving is an intensely personal and profound experience that can deeply affect one's life, behaviors, and relationships. When a person is navigating through the maze of grief, the emotional turmoil they experience can place a significant strain on their relationships, including those with their partners. Unfortunately, this strain can sometimes lead to a partner leaving during what is arguably one of the most challenging times in a person's life. Understanding why this happens requires a compassionate look at both the grieving individual and their partner.

Grief can dramatically change a person's emotional landscape and daily functioning. Those in mourning may withdraw, understandably move through mood changes, or be interpreted by the other person as a change in personality as they deal with their loss. This transformation can be bewildering and overwhelming for some partners, for reasons that may not even be related to the grieving person. The partner may feel alienated, helpless, or neglected, and unprepared to support themselves or the grieving partner, in a way that the grieving person hopes for. The grieving process does not have a set timeline or a one-size-fits-all approach, making it difficult for some partners to know how to support their loved one. This uncertainty and the emotional distance that can develop may lead some partners to feel disconnected, questioning their place in the relationship and, in some cases, choosing to leave.

Moreover, it's important to recognize that each person's capacity for empathy and support varies. Some individuals might not have the emotional resilience or understanding to stand by their partner through the grieving process. In other scenarios, the relationship may have already been strained prior to the grief, and the added stress serves to further expose or exacerbate existing issues. Additionally, in facing their partner's vulnerability and mortality so vividly, some may confront their own fears and insecurities, leading them to withdraw.

While it's a deeply unfortunate outcome, it's essential for those grieving to seek support from those who can provide it, whether that be friends, family, support groups, or professional counseling or guidance. Healing from grief is a profoundly personal journey. It is crucial to surround oneself with understanding and patience, both from within and from those around.

When family members distance your grief

When a loved one is navigating through the waves of grief, the reactions and behaviors of those around them, particularly family members, can often seem perplexing or even hurtful. This distancing, whether emotional or physical, that some family members exhibit towards a grieving individual, can stem from a variety of reasons, each deeply human and complex in its own right.

Firstly, discomfort with grief is a common factor. Many people find themselves at a loss for words or actions when faced with the raw, unfiltered emotions of grief. This discomfort arises from a lack of experience or understanding of how to support someone in mourning. In Western cultures especially, where death and grief are often sanitized and hidden away, this discomfort is exacerbated. Family members may distance themselves simply because they do not know how to be present in a way that is helpful.

Moreover, witnessing a loved one in pain can trigger personal fears and vulnerabilities about loss and mortality. For some family members, engaging closely with someone who is grieving forces them to confront their own feelings about death, which they may not be prepared to do. As a defense mechanism, they create emotional distance to protect themselves from these difficult emotions. Additionally, each person's grief journey is unique, and what one person finds comforting, another might find overwhelming or distressing. This diversity in coping mechanisms can lead to misunderstandings and miscommunication within families, further contributing to the sense of distance.

Importantly, this distancing behavior is not usually a reflection of a lack of love or care.

Rather, it's indicative of the complex nature of human emotions and relationships.

Effective communication can often bridge this gap, as can seeking support from grief counselors, guides, or support groups, who can offer strategies to navigate these challenging dynamics. Understanding and patience from all sides can help in slowly rebuilding connections and ensuring that the grieving individual feels supported and understood, even in the midst of their pain.

Yasemin Isler ©2024 www.griefcircles.com

Expressive Arts and Rituals in Healing Grief

When my husband died 7+ years ago, after a 6-week rare illness, our son was only 5 years old. We became friends with a few families who also experienced loss. One family created a tradition on Father’s Day to release balloons from a park at the highest spot on a nearby city overlooking Boston. That June, with my 6-year old son, we joined them. This year, when my son turned 13, my artist sister presented this painting to him, inspired by a photo I had captured of that day. It was heartfelt, emotional, and healing, for all of us. 

Artist: Yildiz Grodowski

Being Strong - Courage and Grief

Being Strong - Courage and Grief

Yasemin Isler

SEPTEMBER 8, 2021

In some cultures, when someone dies, even days later, the words of consolation include “Be strong’. It seems that no one has sat down to process the visceral responses this directive of courage towards grief could bring up on the receiving end. A grieving person doesn’t really need to be told how to be, on top of the burden they already carry. They are already busy swaying between shock and mustering up courage from reserves they weren’t aware existed. There is no need for reminders of the obvious.

How intertwined the extremes of courage dance within us, to the tune that grief plays. There is such strength in being with deep sorrow and facing it. This act uses tremendous energy. One needs to preserve the energy of that courage, in order to not waste it. So, your grieving friend may avoid getting together with you or appear in large crowds, until they have enough energy to spare.

When my husband died, many loved ones out of the kindness of their hearts and cultural conditioning would tell me to “be strong.” I didn’t have the energy to respond to them in the moment, about how it felt being told to “be strong”. Instead, I focused on tending my heart, with kindness. I keep reminding those who grieve that they are already courageous just getting out of the bed in the morning. They don’t need to be reminded to “be strong.” Be kind when you see a grieving heart. Be kind, gentle and patient with your grieving heart.

#spaciousgrief #griefjourney #griefsupport #bereavementsupport

@griefcircles @mindfulgrief